please critique this song

[rainwater]

I just wrote this a week ago after my college roommate who became my dearest friend and then my sister in law passed away on 1/27/07. Please review I've never done this before but felt compelled. If any good I would like for someone to sing this in memory of her. Thanks.

Song- Who Would of Knew

You're gone at 42
Who would of knew
But God knows best
and sent you to you're heavenly rest

Years ago you were the first I'd meet in our dorm
I never thought you acted like the norm
You were wild and crazy
And I somewhat lazy

You cheered four straight years
and was able to stay away from beer
Finally earned your cap and gown
Moved to my hometown

We got outta of school
and acted like fools
Come on weekends to my parent's house
Along the way you met my brother who I thought was a louse

Fell madly in love with him
Thought brother was a gem
Got married and became a wife
Became my sister-in-law for life

We had fun all those years
Now all I have is tears
Since your gone at 42
Who would of knew
   

 

[Cordilow]

This is a cool poem.

I like the style near the end (the last two paragraphs) - the rhyming and other such.
I like how you talk about the good things the person did.

One thing about the following line, though: 'Who would of knew'
It should be 'Who would have known', in proper English, but if you want to stick to 'knew', and you probably will (people talk like that, still), I still recommend changing the following:
of to have, or to 'ave
'of' is just a completely different word altogether, and people only think that's what should go there because it sounds like the shortened version of 'have'.

It's common in music to use an apostrophe to indicate missing characters: i.e. heav'n (heaven), thro' (throughout), etc.

That was good of you to write this song.  Do you want some help making computerized sheet music for it?  I like to do that sort of thing.

Thanks!

[rainwater]

Thanks for reading/critiquing my song. I'm not musically incline so if you want to add music to it that would be great. Thanks.

[Cordilow]

You're welcome.

I thought you already made the music, but just didn't or weren't able to post it.  I was offering to make nice printable sheet music for it (not to write the song itself), if you could tell me the notes, somehow, or such, although it might be cool to do it.  I can't guarantee that I will write the music, though - so, keep your eyes open for other ways - but if I do, I'll let you know! :)

This song has a pretty non-standard poetic meter, though - so, one would have to write a lot of music for it (i.e. many songs repeat certain patterns; this one wouldn't have the standard kinds of repetition, although a different form of repetition could be done, which could still sound cool).

[rainwater]

I'm a special edu. math teacher by profession and non musical. I wrote this out of sadness for my sister in law. I have a tune in my head somewhat country music though. I don't even listen to country music. So give me any all pointers/ideas. Thanks for your help.  

[singme2]

Hi rainwater! First off I'm sorry about your friend. I've lost a few of my own this year. I have joy in the ressurection hope! As far as lyrics go you've done a good job lining up the content. what stands out to me as an issue is the meter. If you set a rhythm, all your lyrical lines sould fit. I tend to write too rhymee, so I'm not sure if I'm helping, but for the most part things seem easier to sing if the syllable count match on the lines with rhyming connectives. It's the things that inspire us that create the fire inside us!