Hey:
Is this song about your mother? I sure hope so. That said, you are rehashing words that have been written in much more successful songs like Wind beneath my WIngs sung by Bette Midler and written by Larry Henley and Jeff Silbar. Read those words, please.
I do not see glue and veins as poetically or metaphorically compatible. Think about it! THere is no poetic license in its use here.
You need to expand what happened to this important person. Leave nothing to presumption. Tell the listener what you want to say, do not make them think. There is no reason to. Even in the brilliant song writing of Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Marvin Hamlisch, Paul Simon, the recently late Dan Fogelberg-(I would guess you never heard of any of these genius singer/song writers) and countless others, the poetry in the lyrics explains itself clearly and without need to search for deep meaning. It is incumbent upon you as a budding song writer to visit the greats of the past, recent and of decades gone by to get an appreciation for what great writing is all about. DO not get me wrong, this is not bad. Its just not good. Even in subjects that many write about, love, loss, mothers, war, what ever, there is a new spin in the best songs that tells the same tale as others have but differently enough to hold interest and go, WOW, never looked at it that way before. Even the Judy Collins hit, Both Sides Now, speaks of this phenomenon of looking at so common of a subject in a new light. \You have to search yourself and dig into who you are and pull out a different perspective. THat is what song writing is about.
Do have enough fortitude of self to not let this discourage you. It is meant to incite you to rebel against this who the hell does he think he is, guy and find the better writer in your SOUL.
Just spend the next few weeks reading real writers works and decide if you can at least approach this level.. If you are young and relatively inexperienced, it will be tough going, but if you have felt deep personal pain, you may be able to do well, but words are your tool, not feeling. Feelings are translated by them...
Good luck
Larry Mayer
SI, NY
