The Condemned

[KLAXXON]

Jack Conrad is a death row prisoner in a corrupt Central American prison who is "purchased" by a wealthy television producer to take part in an illegal reality game show.

Brought to a desolate island, Conrad finds himself trapped in a fight to the death against nine other condemned killers from all corners of the world. With no possible escape - and millions of viewers watching the uncensored violence online - Conrad must use all his strength to remain the last man standing... and earn his only chance at freedom.







 Vinnie Jones is a bleeding monster; a gritty, hard boiled Brit whose own charisma is outmatched by his ability to be bad ass in just about everything he’s in from here to Australia. The man can save almost any movie and turn even a crap part like Juggernaut in to his own character and salvage his ill chosen role. Jones is a maniac in a world of pussified female dominated men, and he’s a man who helps save “The Condemned” from being a pure piece of crap. WWE’s “The Condemned” may have flopped and it may be a rip off of “Battle Royale” and “Death Race 2000” in the end, but hell I enjoyed every derived, cliché moment regardless because this is a man’s film. This is a movie that allows its respective action stars to shine amongst each other in a movie that wants to be more intelligent than an average action thriller and never quite measures up as much as it can. I lowered my expectations, and that’s something I never do.

But watching Jones destroy every single walking pulse in this flick and then die smiling, along with the grizzled performance by Stone Cold Steve Austin, I was sold on what occurs in this quasi-commentary about reality television. Frankly all of the social commentary is superficial with most of the insights about violence on television hypocritical and obvious. What counts is watching a group of monstrous men in the woods forced to battle it out for their lives, and that’s what makes “The Condemned” such a blast.  
 

It’s a lot of fun, and director Scott Wiper milks this opportunity for all he has exploring the talents of the entire cast as much as he can. Jones is a madman, and as one of my favorite character actors, he puts the villainous McStarley, he takes an adrenal approach to Hannibal Lecter. Meanwhile, Steve Austin is thankfully low key, with his character Jack a sympathetic and entertaining hero who wants to simply survive the all out death match and not kill anyone. He’s a good man and Austin delivers the role as best as he can. Really, there’s nothing else but people running around in the jungle and fighting one another and as an ex Wrestling buff that’s all it took to help me enjoy “The Condemned.” Sure, it’s a complete rip off, but it’s an entertaining one. Sometimes that’s all that matters.

 What can you say about a movie that preaches about violence in the media blaming the audience and the exhibitionist while the exhibitionists ask us to watch violence in the media that pretends to comment about violence in the media? It’s dumb. It’s hypocritical. And for a movie that shows us a full fledged rape scene indicated with a woman screaming, it’s outlandish. Especially from a company run by a man who made millions off of the suffering of competitors like Owen Hart, who died trying to put on a show while McMahon barely drew a tear. Spare me the sanctimonious commentary fellas, and just entertain me.

 There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a balls to the wall guy film where muscle bound behemoths blow shit up and fight to the death and “The Condemned” is that perfect B movie guilty pleasure you’ll enjoy if you’re willing to lower your expectations. If I can get off my high horse, then anyone can.

 




Steve Austin ...  Conrad
Vinnie Jones ...  McStarley
Robert Mammone ...  Breckel
Tory Mussett ...  Julie (as Victoria Mussett)
Manu Bennett ...  Paco
Madeleine West ...  Sarah Cavanaugh
Rick Hoffman ...  'Goldy' Goldman
Christopher Baker ...  Eddie C
Sam Healy ...  Bella (as Samantha Healy)
Luke Pegler ...  Baxter
Masa Yamaguchi ...  Saiga
Emelia Burns ...  Yasantwa
Dasi Ruz ...  Rosa
Marcus Johnson ...  Kreston Mackie
Nathan Jones ...  Petr



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