TV Movie: "Prayers for Bobby" on the Lifetime channel

[LuvCoop1]

This movie was broadcast on Saturday night (1-24-09) on Lifetime with encores on the following Sunday and Tuesday nights.  It is now available to watch in 9 parts on myLifetime.com.  Click on the icon half way down on the front page of the above web site.  (Full disclosure: the film is based on a book written by Leroy Aarons, who founded the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association; as a former NLGJA president and leader, who passed away in 2004.)

This a true story about a Catholic family (The Griffiths) in Walnut Creek, CA (SF Bay Area), that takes place in the early 1980's.  The movie involves, Sigourney Weaver as Mom, Mary, Ryan Kelly as the youngest son, Bobby, who is gay.  Also appearing is David (Scott Bailey - ex-Sandy Foster of GL) who becomes Bobby's first love in Portland, OR.  There are three other siblings, two sisters, and a older brother, Ed (Austin Nichols), who plays football in college.  Henry Czerny plays the Dad, Cousin Jeanette (Rebecca Louise Miller) is Bobby's only family support, who lives in Portland, OR, Dan Butler plays the pastor of the MCC, and Susan Ruttan (of LA Law fame) plays the friend who introduces the Mom to PFLAG, in which the Pastor is also a member.

The Mom is very religious and believes in what the bible says without question.  It is only later in the movie that she meets the pastor (Dan Butler) of the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) and the Mom eventually becomes a member of PFLAG with Susan Ruttan's help.

According to a 2007 San Francisco State University study, gay youth subjected to rejection by their families are nine times more likely to attempt suicide. In that vein, Prayers For Bobby serves as a compelling vehicle for shedding light on religious bigotry and the tragic ramifications of it.

In a conference call with journalists last month, Sigourney told us that while the Griffith family members were intensely loving and focused on Bobby's spiritual well-being, "they were not guided well by their church."  At the heart of the matter was the teaching that homosexuality is not only a sin, but also a choice and something to fight against.

The movie is a tear jerker (which I love anyway), but is most impressive in the way it handles the issues that cause conflict between Bobby and his Mom specifically, but also the rest of the family.
It is a very emotionally moving movie, that will pull on your heart strings.

Take a look at it and enjoy!!  I thoroughly enjoyed the movie myself!   While the film is difficult to watch, Mary (Sigourney Weaver) sees it as having the power to enlighten those similarly affected by anti-gay ideology.  "It just has to be out there, and I hope that it does bring hope and education to people."  Having been raised Catholic myself, I could relate very well to the movie.

[luvluke1]

I loved the movie. I cried through the last hour of it. The acting was excellent. Sigourney Weaver was fantastic. I also loved Ryan Kelly. He played Bobby perfectly. His inner conflict was heartbreaking and real.
I have watched the movie several times.
I was familiiar with the story but the writing and the acting were so good that it made it all new again.

[NukeFan79]

Jay,  I found this on the Internet I thought you'd like to look at. I watched the movie when I was in the hospital.  The movie was good but so sad.  I just didn't understand why Bobby's mom acted the way she did, why did she think that god need to cure her son when there was not a damn thing wrong with him he was gay.  I just wish that she would not been so hard on him about everything.



Prayers for Bobby
A new book examines a gay son's suicide, and his mother's new life.

By Jeff Walsh                                                            

Bobby Griffith's four-year struggle with being gay and trying to live a Christian life ended on Aug. 27, 1983.

On that day, the twenty-year-old California man back flipped off a freeway overpass in Portland, OR., timing his leap so his body would be struck and killed by an oncoming tractor-trailer.

For four years before his death, his religious mother encouraged him to "cure" his homosexuality through prayer. Bobby also kept an extensive diary during those years, which chronicles his highs and lows.

Confusion and cures

What's wrong with me? I wish I could crawl under a rock. God, do you enjoy seeing me stumble around this world like a stupid idiot? I think you must. There's probably some kind of pill somewhere that would heal my brain or there's probably some kind of vitamin that I'm not getting enough of. -- Bobby's diary entry for Sept. 28 1981

Prayers for Bobby, a new HarperCollins book written by Leroy Aarons chronicles Bobby's struggles and how his death served as a catalyst for his mother Mary.

"His mother was an extreme fundamentalist Christian who felt God was going to cure her son of homosexuality and badgered the boy for four years to cure himself through prayer," says Aarons, who is the former executive editor of the Oakland Tribune, and both the founder and current president of the National Lesbian Gay Journalists Association.

"She had made a terrible, terrible mistake," Aarons says. "The wonderful thing is, tragically, after his death she began to discover the error of her ways and she's now a crusader for gay kids."

Mary Griffith, 60, of Walnut Creek, Calif. says that she was only doing what she thought was right for her son.

"I certainly believed with all my being that homosexuality was something God was going to cure and that it was a condition that had to be cured," she says. "There were no if, ands or buts about it. That's all I had ever known.

"We loved Bobby and thought we were doing the right thing," she says.

Bobby got more and more depressed as he prayed for God to cure him. His mother says she always had faith that God would help her son. But when he killed himself, she couldn't understand why God would have allowed that. If Bobby died a gay man and being gay is an abomination to God, she felt God had passed her son over.

"She was a total unquestioning believer of the Bible," Aarons says. "When she found out her son was gay, she believed its condemnation of gay people as being sinful and damned. She tried to rescue her son from that fate."

Mary Griffith, who has another son and two daughters, now says the beliefs she was taught and blindly accepted as a devout Presbyterian prevented her from helping her son when he needed her.

"It was a terrible injustice," she says. "I find some comfort in knowing that I can't totally be held responsible for something I didn't know. There's an awful lot of ignorance in the church."

For a year and half after Bobby's death, Mary Griffith did a lot of "soul-searching" and investigation about homosexuality and the Bible.

"She couldn't accept that God allowed him to die rather than cure him," Aarons says. "She got an inkling that someone went wrong, since they had played by the book."

She eventually reached the conclusion that "Bobby wasn't healed because there was nothing wrong with him," she says. "It was perfectly normal and healthy for Bobby."

Internal struggles
Until Bobby was 13, Mary says he was fairly outgoing but then he began to withdraw, which she thought was "the normal teenage roller coaster thing with his emotions."

A "nature boy," she says he was always involved in outdoor activities and loved old movies.

When Bobby was 15, he told his older brother Eddie he was gay, but made him promise not to tell anyone. After Bobby unsuccessfully tried to kill himself with a bottle of Bufferin, Eddie broke his promise.

Mary Griffith says Bobby was "humiliated" that they knew he was gay.

Things got better for Bobby when he went to a junior college which had a gay group on campus. He dated and did have boyfriends, but his mother says he always fought a battle between what he felt in his heart and what he taught was proper.

"The thing with Bobby is that he could not separate from his religious teachings," she says, adding that he felt "anything positive about being gay was from Satan and it was not valid. The psychological terror just tormented him.

"He felt within himself he was a kind decent human being," she says. "He couldn't understand why he would be hated and why God would consider him an abomination."

She also says Bobby was very artistic and would probably have been a writer or journalist if he were alive today. His writing interests are evident in his diaries, which she estimates total over 400 pages. "Extensive excerpts" of his diary, which Aarons called "an extraordinary document chronicling his day to day existence," are found throughout the book.

Helping others

Mary Griffith says she hopes the book will "help kids understand their own parents and where they're coming from. The kids will hopefully find some benefit from our experience. "

Griffith, who runs a chapter of Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) out of her home, says she enjoys helping kids deal with their sexuality. She helps them cope with the same feelings that led her own son to his death, and also teaches them to shield themselves from prejudice in an often cruel world.

"I think it's just a shame that they have to hear all that negative stuff out there," she says. "I'm really amazed at kids that do make it because of all the horrible stuff. I've always been told that if they can laugh until they're 25 they can make it."

Her message to queer kids, though, is to believe in their parents' love, despite how they may seem to view gays and gay issues.

"They need to really believe that their parents do love them, but that they're coming from a place of ignorance and fear," she says.

Griffith is so in tune with the gay community and gay issues that when a new parent comes to her support group meetings, she has to step back anymore and realize where they're coming from.

"It's really hard when parents come in here and they're so distraught and I'm like `What's all the fuss about?'" she says.

Aarons said that helping other gay kids also helps Griffith. "I think she's at greater peace than when she started," he says. "She realizes that she is able to help people and saved potentially many other lives. That brings her satisfaction."

Anew, but alone

With a government study estimating that 30 percent of all teen suicides are carried out by queer and questioning kids, Griffith also wonders why she is the sole voice for parents who have lost their gay children.

"There are many mothers out there whose sons have killed themselves," she says. "Where are they? It's been 12 years, and I'm the only one out here.

"I realize many are ashamed of their kids in both life and death," she says. "I just could not let Bobby die and say `God's will be done.'" The search that led Mary Griffith to the posthumous acceptance of her gay son also began her questioning other things in life.

"She's become an independent thinker after being a 1950s housewife," Aarons said. "She likes that new person, but you never get over the loss of a child."

Griffith says she no longer practices any organized religions, but still maintains her own spirituality.

"My basic belief now is that any ideology or creed that undermines our self-esteem or a human being is abusive," she says. "It's not worth tormenting a child and making them live in misery and pain. It's next to child abuse, and that's certainly what unknowingly happened to Bobby."

And teaching the lesson she painfully learned to other parents is something Griffith says she will do forever.

"Parents don't realize that they are their child's lifeline," she says. "Kids need that home base, that comfort at home. That really is all that matters."

Similar stories

Aarons said he was first taken with the Griffiths' story when he first read about it in 1989 in the San Francisco Examiner as part of a piece they were writing on gay life in America.

"I was absolutely taken with the poignancy of this story," he says. "She had made a terrible, terrible mistake. So, that really struck me as a story of hope that merges from tragedy. That interests me more than a sad tale."

"Prayers" is Aarons' first book. He says the hardest part about writing it was "finding my way to the heart of Bobby's motivation, and satisfying myself that his depression was truly a result of the way he internalized society's view of being gay, and that he wasn't just a depressed personality himself to start with."

Aarons admits that on many levels he also related to Bobby. "I grew up in a different era where things were even worse," Aarons says. "Suicide was never part of my repertoire, but I was extraordinarily isolated teenager with nobody to talk to about my sexual proclivity.

Aarons says it took him nearly 25 years to reconcile his sexuality. He now lives in Sebastopol, Calif., with his spouse of almost 15 years, Joshua Beneh.

"I survived," he says, "but I had to deal with it for a very long time."

1 July, 1995 - 8:37pm — jeff
Tags:books Interview suicide
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Comments
25 January, 2009 - 7:27pm — motherof2 Being a mother of 2 girl's,
Being a mother of 2 girl's, Never would I put a religion before my children. I feel today's churches have no room to give advise. While watching Prayers for bobby, and the torment he indured make's me ask a question? " Why didn't any other family member step in or anyone in the school system help this poor young man?" In closing my prayer's are with bobby, at least someone is there now.

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25 January, 2009 - 7:53pm — howie Prayers for Bobby
Bobby is in Heaven. His death was not in vain. The lives saved from his story add some good to the horrifying torment and eventual death of this young man. Many churches are guilty of false teachings. My Pastor invites us all to check him out for ourselves, using a Strong's Concordance, companion bible, and use those tools to see the translations of the King James version for ourselves. After all, the Bible was translated many times over from the Greek, latin and arabic languages. You also must allow for that time period that verses were quoted from. Many words used from that time period are no longer used today to define and explain the meaning of biblical verses, and better translational words could have been chosen in many areas of the Bible. If Bobby wasn't taught the correct word of the Lord, as it appears to be the case, then his chance for salvation will come in the spiritual body he is in now. That's not to say that there is a second chance at salvation, but a loving and compassionate God would not condemn a person to hell if they were never taught the word correctly to begin with. To all the Bible "thumpers "out there, look long and hard at your beliefs, and check out the original words from the manuscripts and see what the original words were there before they were translated to the words in scripture. You will see many areas that were not to be taken literally and will come away with some of your questions answered, and some will remain a mystery. God bless Bobby and the Griffith family. Many will take comfort in hearing his story and lives will be saved. HOWIE

[LuvCoop1]

luvluke1 wrote:

I loved the movie. I cried through the last hour of it. The acting was excellent. Sigourney Weaver was fantastic. I also loved Ryan Kelly. He played Bobby perfectly. His inner conflict was heartbreaking and real.
I have watched the movie several times.
I was familiiar with the story but the writing and the acting were so good that it made it all new again.

Yeah, sounds like we are both on the same page for this movie.  I loved the movie and thoroughly enjoyed the performances of Sigourney Weaver, Ryan Kelly, Susan Ruttan, Dan Butler (MCC pastor), and Scott Bailey (David).  They all acted so well, I could feel the emotion, the pain as if it were my own.  It was one of the better TV Movies I have seen in a long time.  Too bad it took 12 years to get sponsored to be produced.  I haven't read the 1995 book that the movie is based on, have you??

Thanks for your comments LuvLuke!!

Jay

[LuvCoop1]

NukeFan79 wrote:

Jay,  I found this on the Internet I thought you'd like to look at. I watched the movie when I was in the hospital.  The movie was good but so sad.  I just didn't understand why Bobby's mom acted the way she did, why did she think that god need to cure her son when there was not a damn thing wrong with him he was gay.  I just wish that she would not been so hard on him about everything.


Prayers for Bobby
A new book examines a gay son's suicide, and his mother's new life.

By Jeff Walsh                                                            

Bobby Griffith's four-year struggle with being gay and trying to live a Christian life ended on Aug. 27, 1983.

On that day, the twenty-year-old California man back flipped off a freeway overpass in Portland, OR., timing his leap so his body would be struck and killed by an oncoming tractor-trailer.

For four years before his death, his religious mother encouraged him to "cure" his homosexuality through prayer. Bobby also kept an extensive diary during those years, which chronicles his highs and lows.

Thanks, Kelly, for posting this about the TV movie, "Prayers for Bobby."  Thanks for the book author's comments in which the TV movie is based.  I found all the comments interesting, including Mary Griffiths!  I am glad to hear that she runs a chapter of PFLAG out of her home in Walnut Creek (this city of 60k is only 10 miles, from where I live in Antioch).

The whole purpose of the movie is to reveal what strict Bible interpretations can do to a gay sibling in a religious family; especially by religions that do not accept gay individuals and the damage that knowledge can do to an individual.  By Mary believing that her strick interpretation of the Bible as the way to live and the acceptance that gays will be damned is so wrong.  God and Jesus love everyone they created.  Being gay is not a choice, it is a part of who you are when you are born.  This conflict that Bobby endured is what eventually drove him over the edge (seeing David kissing another guy after not hearing from him for a while).  That realization would send any depressed individual over the edge, especially when they thought they had a lifelong friend to share a life with Bobby.  When that fell apart, Bobby felt he had nothing ... hence he ended his life!!

[SnyderFan8]

Jay, you summed it up pretty well.  What distortions can take place in the name of religion!  That is so wrong and so sad.  I can still hear that minister at Bobby's funeral saying those awful things.  I believe God creates men and women the way they are and He loves them as they are--no exceptions.  It sure took that mom a long time with a lot of learning before she realized how much she contributed to Bobby's feelings about himself.  I hope this film was seen widely by those who need to see it.  But somehow, I think that the mere summary in TV magazines could have turned them off.  Again I say--very sad.

[luvluke1]

LuvCoop1 wrote:

luvluke1 wrote:

I loved the movie. I cried through the last hour of it. The acting was excellent. Sigourney Weaver was fantastic. I also loved Ryan Kelly. He played Bobby perfectly. His inner conflict was heartbreaking and real.
I have watched the movie several times.
I was familiiar with the story but the writing and the acting were so good that it made it all new again.

Yeah, sounds like we are both on the same page for this movie.  I loved the movie and thoroughly enjoyed the performances of Sigourney Weaver, Ryan Kelly, Susan Ruttan, Dan Butler (MCC pastor), and Scott Bailey (David).  They all acted so well, I could feel the emotion, the pain as if it were my own.  It was one of the better TV Movies I have seen in a long time.  Too bad it took 12 years to get sponsored to be produced.  I haven't read the 1995 book that the movie is based on, have you??

Thanks for your comments LuvLuke!!

Jay

Yes I have and I recommend it. It is different from the movie of course but the basic story is still there. I think they managed to capture everything that was in the book.

[luvluke1]

SnyderFan8 wrote:

Jay, you summed it up pretty well.  What distortions can take place in the name of religion!  That is so wrong and so sad.  I can still hear that minister at Bobby's funeral saying those awful things.  I believe God creates men and women the way they are and He loves them as they are--no exceptions.  It sure took that mom a long time with a lot of learning before she realized how much she contributed to Bobby's feelings about himself.  I hope this film was seen widely by those who need to see it.  But somehow, I think that the mere summary in TV magazines could have turned them off.  Again I say--very sad.

You have to remember how long she believed that being gay was a sin. Her change actually was relatively quick in comparison. The fact that she became who she is today is a miracle. She is truly an inspiration. She made no apologies for herself. She took responsibility for her actions and she did something about it.

Lifetime Movies net says that the audience was 3.8 million people and 2.3 for the encore showing. The Lifetime channels are focused on women and the viewers are primarily women in the 18+ age range. The channel has a wider audience then a lot of channels. That amount of viewers is pretty good for the station.

[LuvCoop1]

SnyderFan8 wrote:

Jay, you summed it up pretty well.  What distortions can take place in the name of religion!  That is so wrong and so sad.  I can still hear that minister at Bobby's funeral saying those awful things.  I believe God creates men and women the way they are and He loves them as they are--no exceptions.  It sure took that mom a long time with a lot of learning before she realized how much she contributed to Bobby's feelings about himself.  I hope this film was seen widely by those who need to see it.  But somehow, I think that the mere summary in TV magazines could have turned them off.  Again I say--very sad.

Thanks, Dave, for your comments!  Yeah, it is sad how religion can destroy a family, by condemning one of its members.  All Bobby needed was some love and understanding.  He didn't get much of that from his family, except his cousin Jeannette, who lived in Portland, OR.  Mary was initially looking for support for her beliefs and that she hadn't wronged Bobby.  But, as she found out, there was no support and she finally realized she lost her son herself!!  At least in real life, she didn't withdraw from life, and instead put a positive spin on things to support a PFLAG chapter herself in the end.  That was a courageous thing for her to do in admitting she was wrong and marching forward instead to help other parents in similar religious pitfalls.

[LuvCoop1]

luvluke1 wrote:

LuvCoop1 wrote:

luvluke1 wrote:

I loved the movie. I cried through the last hour of it. The acting was excellent. Sigourney Weaver was fantastic. I also loved Ryan Kelly. He played Bobby perfectly. His inner conflict was heartbreaking and real.
I have watched the movie several times.
I was familiiar with the story but the writing and the acting were so good that it made it all new again.

Yeah, sounds like we are both on the same page for this movie.  I loved the movie and thoroughly enjoyed the performances of Sigourney Weaver, Ryan Kelly, Susan Ruttan, Dan Butler (MCC pastor), and Scott Bailey (David).  They all acted so well, I could feel the emotion, the pain as if it were my own.  It was one of the better TV Movies I have seen in a long time.  Too bad it took 12 years to get sponsored to be produced.  I haven't read the 1995 book that the movie is based on, have you??

Thanks for your comments LuvLuke!!

Jay

Yes I have and I recommend it. It is different from the movie of course but the basic story is still there. I think they managed to capture everything that was in the book.

Thanks, LL, for your comments!  I'll check into it!!

[SnyderFan8]

luvluke1 wrote:

SnyderFan8 wrote:

Jay, you summed it up pretty well.  What distortions can take place in the name of religion!  That is so wrong and so sad.  I can still hear that minister at Bobby's funeral saying those awful things.  I believe God creates men and women the way they are and He loves them as they are--no exceptions.  It sure took that mom a long time with a lot of learning before she realized how much she contributed to Bobby's feelings about himself.  I hope this film was seen widely by those who need to see it.  But somehow, I think that the mere summary in TV magazines could have turned them off.  Again I say--very sad.

You have to remember how long she believed that being gay was a sin. Her change actually was relatively quick in comparison. The fact that she became who she is today is a miracle. She is truly an inspiration. She made no apologies for herself. She took responsibility for her actions and she did something about it.

Lifetime Movies net says that the audience was 3.8 million people and 2.3 for the encore showing. The Lifetime channels are focused on women and the viewers are primarily women in the 18+ age range. The channel has a wider audience then a lot of channels. That amount of viewers is pretty good for the station.

It is my understanding it took about 4 years from the time of the suicide for her to come to her senses--I don't call that relatively quick.  It was a long road for her.  Yes, she took responsibility, but that doesn't let her off the hook for all the turmoil and insensitivity that she caused.  She may be an inspiration as the story ended, but that doesn't excuse her for all the heartache she caused along the way.  

[LuvCoop1]

Here is a message about "Prayers for Bobby" from the executive director of PFLAG, Jody M.Huckaby:

February 2009
Actors, Advocates & Allies:
A Message from Jody M. Huckaby
 
Dear PFLAG Family and Friends,

Two weekends ago, more than 5 million people tuned into Lifetime Television for the premiere of Prayers for Bobby, a powerful new film starring Sigourney Weaver as PFLAG mom Mary Griffith. The true story of Mary, who rejected Bobby after learning he was gay and later became a powerful ally for the LGBT community, has inspired and empowered a new generation of parents and friends to step up and get involved with PFLAG's work to move equality forward for our loved ones. Following the film's premiere, we received hundreds of emails from people across the country who wanted to know how they could become involved with PFLAG, and how they could work to ensure there are no more 'Bobby's' to make films about.

All of us at PFLAG were proud to be an integral part of Prayers. In addition to being part of filming (our Detriot chapter can be seen in the film's pride parade scene), we also worked with Lifetime and executive producer Dan Sladek to make sure that Prayers was more than just a movie. On premiere weekend, cast members from the film joined PFLAG supporters to celebrate the movie and educate the masses about why Mary's story is so important, and why PFLAG's work is so powerful.

In Dayton, Ohio, more than 100 people turned out to meet Ryan Kelly, who plays Bobby in the film, as our local PFLAG chapter hosted a screening of the movie and a discussion about the story. Kelly traveled from Los Angeles to Ohio - in the heart of swing-state America - to emphasize the importance of our work to change hearts in the heartland. Dozens of new allies, who had never been to a PFLAG event before, showed up to meet Ryan and ask about PFLAG's work in their local community.

In Washington, D.C., actor Scott Bailey, who portrays David, Bobby's first boyfriend, joined PFLAG National and local supporters at the Georgetown home of C. Dixon Osburn and Jeremy Hodder for a premiere night reception. Nearly 200 people packed two receptions to hear Scott's moving remarks about the connection between ballot box battles, Mary's story and PFLAG's work. And many of those who attended signed up to join PFLAG's Guardian Program - our monthly giving plan - and make a generous, ongoing gift to support our work.

We couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity Prayers has presented us: This moving film, based on a true story, will remain an invaluable tool in educating our neighbors and friends about why we do what we do.

And in the coming days, PFLAG will continue to be joined by actors, advocates and allies who are working tirelessly, every day, to make a difference.

On Thursday evening, we will gather in New York City for the first-ever Straight for Equality Gala, honoring amazing allies in our work to create a welcoming world for our LGBT loved ones. We will be honoring Dr. Maya Angelou, Dr. Johnetta Cole, IBM and the star of Prayers, Sigourney Weaver, for their work and commitment to civil liberties for all. This amazing evening, which will be hosted by CNN's Soledad O'Brien and also feature actress Judy Reyes of Scrubs, will be a celebration of the remarkable first year of Straight for Equality . . . and a rallying call to continue building this important coalition of allies. Because, as Scott Bailey reminded us in Washington, there is a lesson to learn about the effectiveness of reaching out when we look at examples like Election Day 2008.

Even as we gather in New York to honor high-profile advocates like Sigourney and Dr. Angelou, however, we will also be mindful that the change we are working for is taking place, and gaining hold, because of the tremendous work of those who may not be in the spotlight every day. In small towns and communities across the country, PFLAG supporters like you are the real agents of change, and your amazing efforts are paying off every day. Your hard work, dedication and energy, as we heard during our premiere events for the film, are what inspire those like Sigourney Weaver, Scott Bailey, Ryan Kelly . . . and me. And your stories, like Mary's, are what truly bring the change we need.

 

[NukeFan79]

You are welcome!!

Ok I totally agree with this guy, Howie.
25 January, 2009 - 7:53pm — Howie Prayers for Bobby
Bobby is in Heaven. His death was not in vain. The lives saved from his story add some good to the horrifying torment and eventual death of this young man. Many churches are guilty of false teachings. My Pastor invites us all to check him out for ourselves, using a Strong's Concordance, companion bible, and use those tools to see the translations of the King James version for ourselves. After all, the Bible was translated many times over from the Greek, Latin and Arabic languages. You also must allow for that time period that verses were quoted from. Many words used from that time period are no longer used today to define and explain the meaning of biblical verses, and better translational words could have been chosen in many areas of the Bible. If Bobby wasn't taught the correct word of the Lord, as it appears to be the case, then his chance for salvation will come in the spiritual body he is in now. That's not to say that there is a second chance at salvation, but a loving and compassionate God would not condemn a person to hell if they were never taught the word correctly to begin with. To all the Bible "thumpers "out there, look long and hard at your beliefs, and check out the original words from the manuscripts and see what the original words were there before they were translated to the words in scripture. You will see many areas that were not to be taken literally and will come away with some of your questions answered, and some will remain a mystery. God bless Bobby and the Griffith family. Many will take comfort in hearing his story and lives will be saved. HOWIE


I even have to say I learned things I didn't know about the Bible myself, that might be because I'm not a big reader.   Being in a very religious family could be so damaging to a person self-esteem.  I would have say that I agree with you about Mary believing that her strick interpretation of the Bible as the way to live and the acceptance that gays will be damned is so wrong.  God and Jesus love everyone they created, Being gay is not a choice, it is a part of who you are when you are born ok you did again a totally agree with you on all of that. Sadly yes the conflict Bobby had was with David and seeing him with another guy coming out of the club.  Bobby was most likely already very depressed sad and he probably had low self-esteem, then he went over the edge.   I wish he was still alive today  I did some adding and subtracting if he was still alive today 46 years old this year.  Yes Iam sure that must have been how Bobby felt at the end like life was not worth living.  That is so sad for Bobby and his whole family.  

[luvluke1]

SnyderFan8 wrote:

luvluke1 wrote:

SnyderFan8 wrote:

Jay, you summed it up pretty well.  What distortions can take place in the name of religion!  That is so wrong and so sad.  I can still hear that minister at Bobby's funeral saying those awful things.  I believe God creates men and women the way they are and He loves them as they are--no exceptions.  It sure took that mom a long time with a lot of learning before she realized how much she contributed to Bobby's feelings about himself.  I hope this film was seen widely by those who need to see it.  But somehow, I think that the mere summary in TV magazines could have turned them off.  Again I say--very sad.

You have to remember how long she believed that being gay was a sin. Her change actually was relatively quick in comparison. The fact that she became who she is today is a miracle. She is truly an inspiration. She made no apologies for herself. She took responsibility for her actions and she did something about it.

Lifetime Movies net says that the audience was 3.8 million people and 2.3 for the encore showing. The Lifetime channels are focused on women and the viewers are primarily women in the 18+ age range. The channel has a wider audience then a lot of channels. That amount of viewers is pretty good for the station.

It is my understanding it took about 4 years from the time of the suicide for her to come to her senses--I don't call that relatively quick.  It was a long road for her.  Yes, she took responsibility, but that doesn't let her off the hook for all the turmoil and insensitivity that she caused.  She may be an inspiration as the story ended, but that doesn't excuse her for all the heartache she caused along the way.  

 I am not sure where the "4 years" came from. I believe it was about a year while she began questioning her religous beliefs and started to look for answers that the church and a literal interpretation of the bible could not provide. She was raised as a fundamentalist and she never questioned her beliefs throughout her adult life. The majority of fundamentalists would never have questioned their beliefs even if they lost a child. Maybe I need to read the book again,

[luvluke1]

NukeFan79 wrote:

You are welcome!!

Ok I totally agree with this guy, Howie.
25 January, 2009 - 7:53pm — Howie Prayers for Bobby
Bobby is in Heaven. His death was not in vain. The lives saved from his story add some good to the horrifying torment and eventual death of this young man. Many churches are guilty of false teachings. My Pastor invites us all to check him out for ourselves, using a Strong's Concordance, companion bible, and use those tools to see the translations of the King James version for ourselves. After all, the Bible was translated many times over from the Greek, Latin and Arabic languages. You also must allow for that time period that verses were quoted from. Many words used from that time period are no longer used today to define and explain the meaning of biblical verses, and better translational words could have been chosen in many areas of the Bible. If Bobby wasn't taught the correct word of the Lord, as it appears to be the case, then his chance for salvation will come in the spiritual body he is in now. That's not to say that there is a second chance at salvation, but a loving and compassionate God would not condemn a person to hell if they were never taught the word correctly to begin with. To all the Bible "thumpers "out there, look long and hard at your beliefs, and check out the original words from the manuscripts and see what the original words were there before they were translated to the words in scripture. You will see many areas that were not to be taken literally and will come away with some of your questions answered, and some will remain a mystery. God bless Bobby and the Griffith family. Many will take comfort in hearing his story and lives will be saved. HOWIE


I even have to say I learned things I didn't know about the Bible myself, that might be because I'm not a big reader.   Being in a very religious family could be so damaging to a person self-esteem.  I would have say that I agree with you about Mary believing that her strick interpretation of the Bible as the way to live and the acceptance that gays will be damned is so wrong.  God and Jesus love everyone they created, Being gay is not a choice, it is a part of who you are when you are born ok you did again a totally agree with you on all of that. Sadly yes the conflict Bobby had was with David and seeing him with another guy, and it did not help things when he saw him kiss that another guy.  Bobby was most likely already very depressed sad and he probably had low self-esteem, then he went over the edge.   I wish he was still alive today  I did some adding and subtracting if he was still alive today 46 years old this year.  Yes Iam sure that must have been how Bobby felt at the end like life was not worth living.  That is so sad for Bobby and his whole family.  

If you are talking about the movie David did not kiss the guy. They came out of the club together and they were laughing. Bobby was supposed to be at work so why couldn't David be out.
I recommend the book. The film captures the spirit and message of the book but the actual story is different.

[LuvCoop1]

Thanks for your additional comments, especially about what Howie wrote in regards to religion.

I think this is an educational movie that can benefit anyone.  It shows a side of a family that is not often seen by the public.  It is mostly seen just by individual religious families within themselves.

It is sad that Bobby ended up taking his own life, because he felt he didn't have any reason to live.  His family rejected him and David rejected him.  The only one that stuck with him throughout was cousin Jeannette!  It was hard on the whole family to lose Bobby; but none of them really saw it until it was reported Bobby had died.  That was the hard part to realize for the family left behind.

You are right, Bobby would be 46 this year.  He died when he was 20.  It is too bad this story was not told a lot sooner than 26 years after his death!

[NukeFan79]

Ok I was wrong I thought David was only coming out of that club with that blond haired guy.  Bobby worked at the hospital, and yes he was working that night.  I don't think it would have been a problem for David to go out, but Bobby thought they were together.  
 
I am planning on buying the book.  I am very interested in reading it.

[LuvCoop1]

NukeFan79 wrote:

Ok I was wrong I thought David was only coming out of that club with that blond haired guy.  Bobby worked at the hospital, and yes he was working that night.  I don't think it would have been a problem for David to go out, but Bobby thought they were together.  
 
I am planning on buying the book.  I am very interested in reading it.

Well, if you remember Bobby called David many times, but never got a call back.  After he leaves the  hospital after his shift, he drives by a gay club in Portland, OR and spots David coming out with another guy, laughing.  Bobby had a clue, but did not know David had dumped him until then.  You don't go out with another guy, unless you have broken up.  Bobby didn't know David had broken up with him until he saw David coming out with another guy.  When you have low-esteem like Bobby did; seeing that happen is kind of like the last straw that breaks the camel's back ... in other words, it devastates you.

I am thinking about getting the book by Aarons myself!!  LuvLuke recommends it!

[SnyderFan8]

Jay, I believe Mary Griffin was Presbyterian, not Roman Catholic.

[SnyderFan8]

 I am not sure where the "4 years" came from. I believe it was about a year while she began questioning her religous beliefs and started to look for answers that the church and a literal interpretation of the bible could not provide. She was raised as a fundamentalist and she never questioned her beliefs throughout her adult life. The majority of fundamentalists would never have questioned their beliefs even if they lost a child. Maybe I need to read the book again,

I could be wrong about the four years, LL.  However, I'not questioningn that Mary was raised in a devout Presbyterian church, and I never questioned her perception of a literal interpretation of the Bible.  It's the only way she knew.  It's also a sampling of the situation of a lot of people who hold similar beliefs. But she did finally question her beliefs, learned a more compassionate meaning of Bible passages, and redeemed herself as a true advocate of gay rights.