Share stories of betrayal?

[BethFL61]

Sorry this is SO long.. it's a short version of the last 5 yrs of my life!
Hey.. I've shared on wondir how my marriage has been in trouble for quite a while. It's getting better.. because my husband did a turnaround.. admitting he's treated me horrible for the last 5 yrs..
Briefly my story: 7 yrs ago.. I became friends with this mother from my kids school. Our families quickly became close.. but she and I became VERY close.. cleaning houses together.. sharing our lives closely. About 5 yrs ago... her husband had a car accident.. and became almost like a zombie for a while. My husband and I became almost constant companions to her during the time after his accident.. doing a lOT for her. Her and my husband would talk a bit on the phone.. I felt comfy with that.. and secure with my husband (big mistake!).
They became closer and closer.. and at some point I felt almost powerless to stop the relationship.. even though it bothered me.. I loved her and wanted her as MY friend. However.. I had been complaining to my husband for years about their too close relationship.. and he virtually would do as little as possible to change things.. just enough to 'fool' me basically. At least twice over the years.. I told her I was upset also.. and then she would be extremely upset over something her husband did.. and I would relent and tell her it was  OK to talk to my husband (he was easy to talk to and gave good advice.. yeah yeah.. stupid!).  Her marriage finally ended in dec 2007.
OK.. finally in September of last year.. I had enough..  I was sick of her and her interference in my marriage.. I told her I wanted to take a break from her.. and she told me then that she would not talk to my husband either.. She knew our marriage was in trouble.
So.. for the next 6 months.. I thought she was gone.. and we could move on.. But my husband was treating me like crap.. worse than ever. This made me mad.. because I thought he was missing her.
End of Feb.. he actually moved out.. and I honestly resolved myself to my marriage being over. My b-day was Friday March 6.. he forgot and didn't care.. I was devastated.  THEN.. the next tuesday.. he did a complete 360.. he loved me.. missed me.. was ashamed.. everything I wanted to here. I was happy and hopeful for the first time in years that my marriage would be oK.
Then that Thursday.. he confessed a bomb on me.. He had been talking to her ALL along everyday for the last 6 months on this secret phone he had (I checked the records for years and he knew it).. and they had been basically carrying on like bf/gf for YEARS.. saying they loved each other.. even talking about being together one day.. all behind my back. He swore to me no sex.. just emotional closeness (still not sure though).
So... the thing I'm upset most right now is.. the last 5 years of my life.. with my husband and my so-called best friend has been FAKE.  I thought I was as close to this woman as 2 could be.. and now I find it's all been fake with her.. she only wanted my husband.
My husband had went the sunday before his confession to me and found her with another man.. She had been stringing him along.  So.. thus his turnaround with me.. his realization of what he almost lost because of her. He said she had some 'hold' on him that he couldn't break.. until then.. that his feelings for me were buried.. and he found them again.
I have not forgiven him yet.. We are working on things.. and he is honestly trying to make things up to me.. but we have a long way to go. We are dealing with things one day at a time.. and he has sworn to me he is not contacting her.. he's tired of lying.. and I can only trust him at this point.
I have such pure hatred for my fake friend.. I have talked to her a couple times.. letting her know what a despicable person she is and all.. but it has not helped.  I just can't believe that I did so much for this witch.. and all along she has been stabbing me in the back.  I honestly thought the way I knew her.. she would not have done a thing like that.. of course now it's all fake.

I'd really like to hear other stories of betrayals.. because I know as angry as I feel right now.. still dealing and reeling over the truth of the last 5 yrs.. I'm sure there are other stories a LOT worse than mine.

[joni38]

I took off my post FL and unintentionally removed one of yours with it, sorry...I just was thinking & figured it was meant from me to you and not the whole wondirworld.

[BethFL61]

I saw that joni.. I totally understand.. ((((HUGS)))))

[yaardy]

Aw Beth, I am so sorry to hear of this - you had alluded to some trouble and I knew you were not happy.  Sometimes men go thru these periods - the mid-life crisis we've all heard about when they need to convince themselves they still have it going on.........I think they usually live to regret giving in to these impulses.  You have a long road to trust, but I think you can regain it, and I think you're right to give him a second chance.  I would do the same if I was in your shoes.  

I don't have any stories of betrayal other than when my intended at the time (husband now) gave a ride to my supposed best friend on his Harley.  I knew they were going for a ride, thought nothing of it, and all was well until my intended revealed to me a few months later that she had put her hands where they don't belong!!!!!!  He said he almost wrecked but recovered - not sure how long this went on during the ride - I couldn't recall how long they were gone.  He said he felt guilty for not telling me before and I can't recall what else may have prompted his divulging the secret.  Well, I ended up confronting my girlfriend and our friendship ended - she had no explanation, of course.  My husband has been faithful as far as I know, and I think I would know.  He's a good man, I think he doesn't have it in him to cheat, a rarity, I know.

 

 

[BethFL61]

Thanks for replying yaardy.. I'm glad to hear that you would have given him a 2nd chance also.. I wondered about you.. with your long marriage.. that is good to know.
To be honest.. the longevity of my marriage had a big impact on my decision to stay with him. I love him of course.. but it will take a while to get back to where we were 5 years ago.

[BethFL61]

Oh.. and good for you for ending that friendship.. there WAS no excuse for that.. I wish i had gotten rid of my fake friend a long time ago.. First time I told her the calls bothered me.. even though I relented.. if she was my friend.. she would have stopped anyway. I see that clearly now.

[molzmum]

I know you will feel the hurt for a while to come, but it does get a lot better. I had 2 children to my ex husband and we were together 5 years. During that time he cheated with the next door neighbour ( he told me ) this had been going on a couple of months. I forgave him and we tried again. He had a lot of female friends and I felt very insecure. I was young and looking back a little trodden on. There is no way I would let a man treat me like that again.  Anyway a couple of years later he said he wanted to end our marriage and I knew there was something not right and kept accusing him of being with my friend behind my back, he said this was nonsense. Weeks after he moved out he denied there was anyone else, even though I was stood outside her house on my mobile at 12.15pm with his car outside.
     
I found the best way to cope was to hold my head high and I actually invited him and his girlfriend ( at the time ) and his parents (ex mother n father in law ) to our daughters party. I was proud of myself.
 
Cutting a long story short I got my own house met a wonderful man ( who some of you might know ) who restored my hope in men.  We got married in secret and now have 2 children together ( 4 altogether ). He is the most amazing person and for the last 5 years has built my confidence.  My ex husband in the meantime is still moving from 1 to another. Who is the winner in the end I wonder.
 I found the best way to cope was to hold my head high and I actually invited him and his girlfriend ( at the time ) and his parents (ex mother n father in law ) to our daughters party. I was proud of myself

[BethFL61]

hey molzum.. I'm sorry you were hurt.. he sounds like a true womanizer huh? It's great you were able to move on.. and that was big of you to invite them to the party.
Like i said.. i have so much hate and anger for this fake friend.. it almost consumes me sometime. I don't like it.. I may write her a letter.. for some closure and just try to move on.  Then I can deal with my husband.. who really is trying to be honest. He did not have to tell me about the calls since Sept.. or how diffrent their relationship was than what I knew. I never would have found out.. but he felt guilty and said he was tired of lying.
Thanks so much ladies.. your input means a LOT to me!

[Bronzebabe]

Oh I feel for ALL you guys, really!!  Been there...as some of you know I was married for 15 years to my first husband...when they say the wife is the last to know, it's true...he cheated on me the whole time, and I had no clue...Looking back, I should have been smarter.  He was a "big game hunter" and would be gone on "hunts" for several days with a friend of his.  When I actually caught him, I had just delievered baby number three, (my now, 12 year old son), and I had to actually drive myself home from the hospital, and found my ex in the bed with our 18 year old baby sitter.  OUCH, yes?  Needless to say, I could never trust him again.
The kicker relly came about a year after our divorce, when his hunting buddy confessed to me that they NEVER went hunting together, that he was "spending time with his Ho's".  Some friend!
Trust was a big thing with me...it's a wonder I ever married again. haha!

[BethFL61]

oh gosh bronze.. how hurt and angry that little confession of his friend must have made you... even after the fact! How sad your ex was such a jerk when you were having his son.. I know that hurt terribly.
thanks for sharing.. I appreciate it.. and I know you are so happy now!

[Bronzebabe]

While I remember being hurt, it passed.  That was 12 long years ago, and I forgave him, and moved on.  But it took me a few years to even wanna date again.  
Meeting my hubby now was definately a "match made in Heaven".  He and I had a similiar experience.  His wife cheated on him, and he never thought he would find anyone he could trust again.  Then, he met me.
We flirted and he would ask me out and I would just Smile at him. ha!  When I finally DID go out with him, and we got to comparing stories, I thought, well, it wasn't just me.
We both know neither of us would ever cheat, it just hurts people way too much.
I heard a song, some years ago, the line I remember so well is, "If she could have been faithful, If she could have been true, I never would have loved, I never would have met you."  I like it.  I beleive I am Much happier with my hubby now than I ever would have been with my ex.
Mixed blessings? Si!

[molzmum]

I think writing a letter to your ex friend is a good way to get some closure and move on.  I felt positive in myself in inviting them to the party and really felt it showed I had moved on. I also saw the friend a year later after they has split up as well, and told her there were no hard feelings as at the end of the day he made the vows and was married to me, not her.
   I think my thoughts were she had done me a favour as I wouldn't have had the guts to bail out of this unhappy and constricting marriage.