Lullaby, pls critigues

[SongLyric]

Is this lyric ok? If you see gramar mistake tell me please.

Lullaby

You sleep, near me
I pray it's real
Your hair is on my hand
Like woods in a land

I hope it's true
That you are my loot
I catch your look
When I shook you

It's lullaby, lullaby, lullaby for you

In night of haze
You're in my bed of hay
I wait for dawn
Dawn will be around

But now the sun is far away
It's on the other side of Earth
You stand by me and wait
Wait to attract your heart

It's lullaby, lullaby, lullaby for you
Always sunlight is near you
Lullaby, lullaby
We are like candle tonight
Lullaby

[Cordilow]

Except for a few things, it looks good to me. Nice song.

The biggest thing is that there is no punctuation at the end of clauses and sentences.

SongLyric wrote:

I hope it's true
That you are my loot
I catch your look
When I shook you

Shook is in a different tense than the rest of the verbs around it. I'd recommend changing it to shake or something. Either that, or change catch to caught—but it conforms more to parallelism if you change Shook to Shake, seeing as the rest of the song is in the present tense.

SongLyric wrote:

You sleep, near me

The comma here looks a little odd. If there's not a big reason for it, I'd recommend taking it out. I'm not saying you should definitely take it out, but it is cause for pause.

[The Dancing Corpse]

Epic fail.
Amateur quality.

[Cordilow]

The Dancing Corpse (via Nabble) wrote:
> Epic fail.
> Amateur quality.

Would you like to elaborate? Such a statement won't help the poster at
all without your reasons.