Can someone critique my story?

[xjustagirl]

Blankets, bed sheets, and pillows. Those were among the few items that were heavily pressed into the mind of six year old Sam almost constantly. His body always lay on his bed, and, even though the urge to join the outside world tugged at him every day, he knew he would never be normal; his mother had told him so many times before.

As the break of dawn rose up the West Virginia hills every morning, rolled down the plains, and over the rivers, Sam Olden would be awake. Fully awake, as though his own death would sneak up on him any second. He wouldn’t stir from his bed, and when the sunlight would finally reach his log cabin home, it would burst through his window, swallow up his sheets and travel up, up, up his bed, over his shoulders, over his mouth, the brim of his nose, and finally encase his pearly, black eyes, that were wide open, like they almost always were.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to sleep and cover up all of the madness that shook his mind at the fact he would never go to school, or roller skate, even make a friend; it was just the fact that he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried to block out his thoughts, they would always find a way back to haunt him. “Why?” He would often mutter underneath his breath as he shifted on his bed, listening to the calm, soft conversations going on in the rooms next door. His own thoughts drove him crazy, and they made him think everything was a lie, that his whole life was just worthless.

Sam never fully understood his problems, his frequent headaches that drove into his brain, or the lies that he uncovered from the “truth”. He would often think up mythical medical diseases that would match his. Even though he hated the way he was, he liked the fact that he was different. Different from every other person that would meet eyes with him. Different from the lies.

One day, a bright, Saturday morning, he remembered, Sam heard his mother making her way down the thin, long hallway towards his room. He immediately pulled the covers over his face, in hope of her leaving him, for he was in the midst of thinking. The echoes of her footsteps grew louder and shorter as she drew closer. For some reason, Sam’s heart stopped beating. He felt another presence in his house. Somebody was with his mother that wasn’t supposed to be.

Sam clenched his fists together, in anger, but mostly in fear. She had brought one. Soon he would be nothing but an experiment, again. “You’re getting a lot of attention,” He remembered his mother saying only a day before, as if she was pleased with the “social bliss”, “The doctors think your case is unique." She had paused when Sam gave her a look of pure hatred. "I know you don’t like it, but I hope they will  find out what's wrong,” He had never took his stern glare off her. Didn’t she understand? He was better off lying there in a state of peace instead of having his temperature checked every five minutes. Or at least he thought so.

And, now, she was bringing another one! His eyes instinctively snapped shut as his bedroom door slowly creaked open . Light from the hallway flushed inside, alighting his room with a sense of warmth. “Sam, honey, the doctor’s here to see you.” The words weren’t rare in the household, and as they reached his ears he felt a new surge of anger pulse through him. He pulled the covers from his face and lifted his eyes to see the man who called himself his doctor. His hair was pitch black, and on his body there hung a loose, blue over-coat with a dress-up suit underneath. Why did they always bother to dress up? Nothing was around the house for miles, expect trees and horse pastures. Stupid doctors, he thought.

The doctor nodded to his mother, a smile itching at his lips. “Hi, how are you feeling?” He asked quickly, his attention turning to the boy in the bed. The acknowledgement made Sam feel a bit reassured. “Oh, here, take this chair.” His mother said, pulling a lone wooden seat that was perched along Sam’s wall. “She planned it.” Sam thought bitterly as the doctor took it and pulled it along side Sam’s bed. And, indeed, she had. Sam had saw her earlier that same day struggling to pull the chair inside his room. She had knew that he was coming all along.

“Now, I need you to open your mouth.” The doctor said, leaning closer, a flashlight in one hand and a tongue depressor in the other. Sam didn’t refuse, his mind clouded, but rather moved his attention to the man’s name tag that was hung lopsided on his coats pocket. It clearly stated: Brock Therese. There was something strange about the name, and something similar to da ja vu occured after he had read it. He allowed Brock to finish a few exams on him, deciding to let the doctor have his fun. It would come back to him some day, even if Sam had to give the punishment himself.

Brock leaned back in his chair as he finished checking Sam’s heart rate, hesitated, then said slowly, “Everything looks good, Sam, very good.”

“It’s a lie, it’s all lies...” Sam’s mind taunted him. He tried to ignore the thoughts that were pouring in on him, but he couldn’t-they were practically drowning him, and he still didn't even understand why he felt this way. “You’re awful, and you know it! Don’t believe this faker!” His mind took another swing at over taking him, and Sam couldn’t resist any longer. “I won’t believe you.” Sam finally spoke out a bit quietly, lifting up in his bed, holding his head with one of his hands; the pain was awful. Brock, startled, merely looked to the boy, clearly amused.“These tantrums should be normal, am I correct, Mrs. Olden?” He asked, turning his head to face the woman standing off to the side a few feet away.

“He’s ignoring you! He’s trying to cover up his lie!” Sam’s mind wouldn’t rest. It couldn’t until Sam admitted it.

“I said I won’t believe you!” Sam cried out. Before the doctor could even look his way, a feeling took over Sam. It felt like hatred, though it was mixed with sadness and confusion. What could he do? No one believed him. He looked to his mother, and then back to Brock. His hand, without him even knowing it, was inching it’s way to the doctor’s head.

“Sam,” Brock said, puzzled, “Just calm down.” His words only fed the fire eating at Sam’s inner thoughts. Why did this disease make him act this way? Why couldn’t he just act normal for once?

Then-as fast as lightning- Sam’s hand struck up and grabbed a hold of the doctor’s hair. His dark, dark hair. The frustration that was now boiling in Sam’s stomach was almost uncontrollable.He wanted to stop it-stop it all, but the force was too strong for a boy of his age to control. The doctor let out a slight yelp, in a complete state of shock, but before he could say anything, the boy’s mouth started to form words.

“Do you think of me as a liar?” Sam hissed, can't believeing the words which sprung from him, “Do you? Well think no more, because in your fate you will burn!”

“Sam Olden shall be the one. The truest, purest of them all…” His mind was pleased.

Chapter One:
(I haven't edited this yet, and some major deatils are probably left out.)

“Cooper?” The words flew gently out of his mouth, sounding a bit confused.  He was gone again! Not that he minded that his twin brother was out of his hair for once, but his mother had told to him directly to keep him in order. He knew it was impossible, but he wasn’t going to allow Cooper to misbehave of all days! Didn’t he know that this was the last day they would probably see their cousin, Georgia?

“Tanner, dude, come over here!” The voice of his brother rang through his ears, bursting his thoughts into a million little pieces. He lifted his head with a jerk and his eyes immediately landed upon Cooper, placed in front of a tall, red vending machine that read “Junk” on the side in dark, black lettering.

Tanner lifted an eyebrow, pondering the thought of how his twin could be interested in something totally random, but, at least, he had found him(Even if he had been right under his nose.). A deep, long sigh escaped his mouth as he shuffled over with his hands in his pockets. The hard, plaster floor underneath his feet sent a series of echoes down the airport corridor. They had wandered away from the main area, considering it was largely populated at the time, and ended up in a resting area, apparently, with restrooms on either side of them and a few coke and food machines off to the left. Rows of green chairs were lined along the wall, with a couple off five month old magazines accompanying them.

“What?” Tanner asked when he finally reached the side of him, but understood right away what was so fascinating when he peered into the glass of the vending machine.

The spring that bent down to release the package of food was jammed, and every time a new bag of  chips was pushed forward it fell down the chute, where Cooper immediately took it out. By now he had about five, but more were coming. Tanner opened his mouth to say something, but resisted the urge. If his brother wanted to consume junk food, he would just regret it on the long drive home. “There’s only a few packages left, anyway,” He pointed out, pretending that it was a dull situation, “Come on, or Georgia’s going to leave.”

He turned away from the machine, closing his eyes in thought. Memories immediately spewed into his head, the smooth airport music blending into them. Cooper must have felt the strange, awkward moment between them, because he had stopped laughing about the chips and every thing was dead quiet. He didn’t like it; he hated the whole twin bond.

“Yeah, come on.” He finally said, brushing past Tanner’s shoulder, both of his hands filled with bags, “I’m going to give Georgy some of these, she’ll like them.”

Tanner couldn’t help but grin, staring at the back of Cooper’s dark, black hair. “Yeah, okay, wait up!” He followed, tracing his steps all the way to the main area.


By the time the twins had finally located their mother in the massive crowd, the dusk was awaiting just outside. A large, glass window was placed just beside the counter, where you bought the tickets. It was large, “Probably for the ticket people to watch the airplanes land,” As Cooper had said. And, he was right. If you looked out, there was a perfect view of the landing strip, although a quarter of it was blocked off by the wall. Sun streamed through it, speckles of orange and red danced along the counters and carpet of the airport, flashing a wild phenomenon of swirled colors, the only kind you can view just before the sun is swallowed up by night. The bright, fake light that was shot from the ceiling lights were blinding and unpleasant; nothing like the natural beauty of a sunset.

“Georgia’s flight leaves at exactly seven-thirty,” Tanner said, looking at the huge, plastic clock right above the window, “Where is she?” His attention had turned to his mom.

Their mother was an elevated, attractive woman. She always seemed to have a very firm look planted on her facial features, but her eyes were large and bright, a mixture of green and blue. Her long, black hair reached down to about her mid-back. Anyone could tell that the ten year old twins belonged to her. They had almost the exact features, same hair and eyes; they were a decent family, although there were barely any other members.

She seemed confused and lost at the maze of people before her, and, ignoring Tanner’s question, she walked away from them, disappearing into the jumble.

Tanner sighed loudly, and as he turned around Cooper was gone. He looked around anxiously, but none of his family members were yet to be found. He hated being alone, although he knew that if he got kidnapped, his mother wouldn’t mind; she was too busy keeping a social life.

He was about to yell out for Cooper, but suddenly stopped. A damp feeling over-came him and the assortment of voices around him became hushed, and he felt as though he were in a trance. His eyes gradually searched the area, until they landed on a hallway. It was extensive, shadowy, and it seemed to merge into the wall, like it didn’t belong there. The public seemed to completely ignore it. It was unappealing, but, somewhere inside of him, Tanner felt a strong urge to explore it. Snooping was one of the single things he was excellent at.

He glanced behind him one final time, just in case Cooper would magically appear and tell him that he had found Georgia, before slinking into the throng and heading towards the passage. As he approached it, the sensation only grew stronger.

His feet were cautious as he finally entered it, but nether-the-less, he continued his zombie-walk down the passage. A few doors were passed before he realized he was utterly alone. Every move he made consisted of an echo following it, and his shadow was a giant on the walls.

Then, Tanner’s senses flushed back into him and he stopped walking. His heart started to race in his chest, causing an unnecessary fight-or-flight response to arise, and when he swiftly twisted around, a noise occurred, making him look up. Nothing but the hallway unfolded before him, but before another second could pass, the closest door to him slowly started to creak open. He backed up, only to hit a wall. He was at a dead end; his only chance was to run past the door and back into the lobby, but the door was now almost completely opened. As it eased to a stop, nobody had yet to step out of the darkness.

Tanner felt a lone tear fall down his cheek, but he tried to pay no attention to it. “This is silly,” He thought to himself repeatedly, closing his eyes, “I’m just acting like a baby. It’s all fake.”

As he opened his eyes hesitantly, the door was closed. He didn’t remain, but rather burst into a sprint. He raced past the door and ran right into the crowd; this time it seemed pleasant and comforting rather than hot and cluttered. He bent over, feeling as though he were sick and put his hands on his knees, winded. Most of the time he wouldn’t be frightened by something similar to that, but that feeling. He wouldn’t dare open his eyes, in fear that whoever was behind that door would be right in front of him. “I have to calm down,” He thought to himself, but, for some reason, he couldn’t. His alarm didn’t grow, but it didn’t dwindle, either.

But, finally, his breathing returned to normal, and he straightened up. He lifted his eyes and leveled them in front of him. There was still no sign of Cooper or his Mom.

“Tanner!” He felt a hand yank at the hood of his jacket, and he impulsively yelped. He spun around on his heel to face Cooper; he held a ear-to-ear smile, “Where have you been? Georgy’s plane leaves soon.”

Tanner held in his tears from before; for some reason , as he watched Cooper, it made the feeling worsen. “Where,” He started, although his voice was shaky, “Where is she?”

Cooper pointed behind him, to the landing strip outside, but he could tell something was wrong with his brother. He slowly grasped his wrist and pulled him along, to the airplane.

--

As Cooper watched Georgia’s plane about to leave, it felt as though a bomb of gloom had fell into the pit of his stomach. Dust and multicolored leaves swirled up into the air as the plane’s engine came to life. They started a cyclone in the air and unhurriedly fell to the pavement. The leave’s dance was like a final goodbye, and somehow, it was very depressing to the twins. After a few more seconds the plane steadily lifted off into the air and made a successful departure.

“It’s not like she’s gone forever, “Cooper said after no one had said anything for a while. Him, his mother, and Tanner were lined side-by-side on the chained link fence that separated people from the landing strip.

“You’re right, just for a while,” Tanner agreed, nodded, “Where’s she’s going, again?”


"New York, and, yes, it costs a lot to get there,” Their mother answered, pushing back some of her hair that had flown in front of her face, “Now, come on, we’d better get going. There’s no use in staying here all night.”

Cooper and Tanner nodded, and didn’t exchange words all the way to the parking lot.

Chapter Two: Summer 2004(Eight years later)
(This chapter is pretty crazy. It was meant to be mentioned that the car was hitched to the back of the U-Hual, but I have yet to add it in, so keep that in mind.)

The day Georgia left, and from then on, Cooper and Tanner became, to some extent, closer. Their cousin was one of their best friends and it took them a good two years to get entirely over her leaving. She had lived right beside them, and everyday they would go to her home, eat lunch, and explore the forest. The twins tried to maintain that routine, but they quickly figured out that the air was damp, depressing, and just plain different, and they only had each other to have fun with.

They had friends at school, a bounty of them in fact, but they on no account did they come over. The only neighbors they had were at least a mile away, since they were tucked deep in the Mississippi hills, and, even if they did reach them, most of them would be elderly, cross men.

As the years passed, Coopers and Tanners recollections of Georgia, little by little wore off, leaving them more independent; they never forgot about her, however. More and more friends started to come over, and by the time they were seventeen, they were completely pleased with their life.

Two months into the summer after they had finished eleventh grade, their mother had filed for a high profiled career in writing. “It’s not like she’s around, anyway, so why does it matter if she has after hours?” Cooper said, after he had heard the news, “Nothing’s goin’ to change around here.” Tanner wasn't so sure about the future. "Mom has been looking for this chance forever now. She'll risk anything to get it, y'know..." He replied.

Almost right after the conversation, their mother called.

“Hello?” Tanner had managed to answer the phone before Cooper, but not before a small tussle between them.

“Hey, honey,” The voice of his mother flowed through the phone, soft and quiet.

“Oh, hey mom,” He started, but was interrupted as Cooper tried to take the phone from his ear, “Stop it, man! Are you still there, mom?”

Static took over the phone for a few more seconds, before Cooper eventually obtained the phone, “Hey, mom, you at work?” He asked.

“Yes, and I have some news, so put it on speaker phone, will you?” She answered, a bit agitated. Her boss wasn’t too happy with extended family calls.

There was yet another cycle of static before she heard the twins say in unity, “Okay,”

Silence filled the line, for about a minute, before their mother finally spoke, “You know the job I wanted before?”

“Yeah,” Cooper answered, but Tanner remained quiet, in uncertainty.

“Well, I might have a chance at it if…”

“If what?” Tanner abruptly said, “Were not moving, Mom.” He knew where this was leading; she had talked about it before.

“We’re moving?” Cooper exclaimed, his voice rising up an octave. He picked up the phone and clicked the button, returning the volume to normal. Tanner jerked it out of his hand, and opened his mouth to protest to his mother, but he quickly realized that she had hung up. Only a somber beep raced throughout the line. She thought that they had understood the point.
--

The next week, their house was entirely empty. The bedroom that Cooper and Tanner had shared for so long was nothing but a four-sided box with white-washed walls and crayon marks on it. The living room, although it still had juice and wine stains printed on the carpet, was bare. Everything was gone, yet memories still lingered within the house. The twins finally came to forgive their mother for making them move so late in their life, but just under the circumstances. "I'm moving away from her next year, anyway..." Cooper had said.

 They didn't quite understand why their mother was in such a rush to start on the trip to their new home; road trips weren't very popular in the family. Never-the-less, she seemed some what excited when she ordered the old U-Haul Van that they would be riding in. Cooper examined the clustered passenger seat that he knew he would have to end up sharing with his brother and quickly called the window seat. He didn't even consider sitting in the back with the luggage; it was packed as tight as it could get.
 After about thirty minutes after the sun peaked slowly into the sky, their mother ordered them into the truck, and the U-Haul quickly directed them out of their town.
 It was in fact very cramped for the three of them, and many times the twins complained about how one of them should have at least been able to drive the regular car. But, since trust wasn't popular in the family either, their mother had quickly decided against it. "No, too ong of a distance," She said,a dn the twins didn't even feel like complaining after that. Instead, she had hooked h
--
“Old Hills, West Virginia,” Tanner had started to read the pamphlet they received in the mail about the new town they were going to be living in. It was about mid-way into the trip, and an extreme case of boredom had settled over everyone in the car, since the radio was broken. “The perfect vacation with streams, river, fields, and mountains as far as the eye can see.” He stopped as they went over a few bumps formed into the road, before continuing, “Plentiful hunting and trout fishing in your own backyard. Nice country folk, and many stores at cheap, affordable prices that will make you glad you live here.” As he finished, Cooper leaned back against the old, leather seat and said sarcastically, “You hear that, Mom? Trout fishing, my dream!”

“I know, dear, I know,” She answered.

After that, a strange quietness laid over the car like a damp blanket for at least a hour.

“Can we stop, now?” Cooper asked, pressing his face against the glass window on his side as they passed a small general store. He turned to look at his mom, awaiting an answer.

“No, I told you to use the bathroom before you left the house!” She answered sternly.

“Mom, it’s been eight hours.” He replied hastily, a slight groan escaping his mouth. Tanner nodded in agreement, “Yeah…”

She rolled her eyes, and then turned the steering wheel and directed the truck to the side of the road. There were a few bumps before it came to a complete stop, the engine still rumbling. The twins glanced at her, a bit confused. “Go on, get out and take care of your business.” Cooper looked to Tanner, shrugged and slipped out of the truck, his brother right behind him.

As Tanner slammed the door shut, he perked up his head and surveyed his surroundings. The woods and rolling hills that they had been in were no longer there and in its place there stood large canyons and cracked dirt for miles on end. It looked like a scene in a horror movie, where a family would get stranded. A buzzard called out from up above, making an eerie echoe buzz around the area.

“Do you think we took a wrong turn, Coop?” Tanner asked, turning to Cooper. He shrugged.

“I don’t know, but-“ He started to answer, but cut himself short as he saw an old shed on the left hand side of the road. It was perched on a wooden frame and two sheets of metal were sloppily nailed on top, forming a roof. “Let’s go over there, so Mom won’t see.” The boys picked their way over, dodging plants that spurt up out of the ground here and there.

As they reached the entrance of it, Cooper noticed a window on the side. He drew close to it and leaned his face close to look through. Tanner stood a few feet behind him, saying not a word. “Take a look, Tanner, it’s creepy.” He said, allowing his eyes to search the inside. On the floor they were many candles laid about. Aged, wax they were. Cobwebs hung from the ceilings and buckets and buckets of oily looking water were placed in the corner. There wasn’t anything else worth looking at, except for a box sitting on a shelf. It was about a foot high and on the front of it the word, “Fragile.” was barely visible.

Tanner leisurely came closer, standing behind his brother. He shielded his eyes from the sun and, from that spot, he was content of the view. He could hear Cooper laugh, but then, he was suddenly interrupted. Inside a long, low noise sounded throughout the walls. Cooper instantly backed up, unintentionally running into Tanner. They stood motionless, listening.

The sound grew only louder, but it was cut off. The boys were panting and a bit confused. “Maybe a hurt animal’s in there.” Tanner suggested, clenching on tight to his brother’s shirt sleeve. Cooper promptly shook his head, “No way,”

“A human?”

“I don’t know!”

As their voices wore off, disappearing into the air, a rattle inside had their full attention. Cooper, curious, took a step forward, and a moment later something crashed through the window. Glass flew in all direction and the twins, barely having time to think, covered their heads. Sounds of footsteps. Cooper lowered his hands, so his face wasn’t protected, to see what had been inside. But, before he could catch a glimpse of the creature running off in the distance, a clatter above him caused him to glance up.

The metal sheets placed as a roof were sliding. Sliding off. Still stunned by the creature popping out of the window, Cooper merely stood there, his eyes dilating, watching as the metal tipped off and fell, fell right down towards him. He let out a violent cry as it sliced in the skin of his face. He could feel warm blood trickling down past his eyes, down his nose, off his chin, as the metal finally fell to the ground with a clang. He clenched his face in shock.

Tanner screamed, realizing the blood was coming from his brother. He grabbed his shoulders and turned him around, breathing hard. The wounds were covered with Cooper’s hands, and no matter how much Tanner tried to convince him to move them, he wouldn’t. He was surprised Cooper wasn’t crying, but then again, he almost never cried.

Tanner turned to the road, his eyes landing upon his mother’s car. She wasn’t even looking their way, too busy fiddling with make-up in the mirror. Right at that moment, Tanner hated her. It was a sudden emotion that took over him. Didn’t she hear the noises? Did she even care?

"Cooper, come on, I have to see your face. What if we have to go to the hospital?” His voice was frantic; it was odd how much his brother meant to him after such a fright. Cooper was strangely quiet, but he obeyed.
 As his blood-stained hands slowly came down to hs side, Tanner gulped at the results. Red smears were covering the entire side left side of his face, while the other half was bare. A deep gash went from Cooper's forehead down to his chin in one single cut, barely missing his eye. Fresh blood was still trickling out of the wound,  but he could tell the flow was slowly lessening.
"Okay, I think it looks worse than it really is..." Tanner said, breathlessly, "We just need to cover your face..." He took one more look back to the truck, before turning back to Cooper. "Does it hurt?"
 "Yes, it hurts!" Cooper started suddenly, coming out of his silent state of shock, "I-" He was cut short the noise of a blaring horn filled the air. Tanner spun his head around, seeing his mother laying on the horn and signaling for the twins to hurry. He felt like yelling or just plain smacking her! "She is so oblivious to everything, probably thinkin'about her new job." He said aloud, grabbing the sleeve of Cooper's T-shirt and guiding him back to the truck.
 As they approached, their mother had a very stern look planted on her face, as if she was about to implode. She didn't even take a glance at Cooper, who had immediatly gone around to the passagener side door. Tanner, who was a bit more upset, planted himself in front of his mother's window, and tapped on the glass. A look a fury on her face, she roughly rolled the glass down, just as Cooper climbed in bside her. "Tanner, get in! I'm tired of this!"
Tanner held onto his temper as well as he could. "Mom..." He started, but then looked over to Cooper through the window, who was giving him a "dont push it" look. Sighing, Tanner muttered, "Forget it...", before starting around the car. His eyes managed to catch his brothers gaze once more, and he saw him mouth the words, "I'll be fine..." Yet, as he glanced at his mom fixing her bangs in the mirror, and Coopers face turned so she couldn't see it, he couldn't help but worry.
---------------
 Gentle light from the sunset was sprayed across the landscape by the time they arrived in West Virgina. It seemed quite sudden for Tanner, who had managed to, somehow, drift off to sleep on the unending journey. When he finally did wake up he quickly peered through the glass and at the surroundings. It certainly was different from their old suburban home. Mountains were visable not too far off, and long, spacious meadows wounded out beside the road. Many kinds of flowers were bloomed, swishing back and forth as the wind came and went.
 At first, Tanner thought the place was deserted, and became a bit worried. He had heard many stories before about rabid people killing innocent victims when they moved out in the middle of nowhere. But, as he shifted his vision ahead, he noticed they were getting closer to buildings. A town, perhaps, but not very big. There were a few stores clustered together, and a large windmill off to the side.  He blinked. To him, it looked like a scene from an old Western movie. Before he could even open his mouth to ask if this was their new hometown, they approached closer, and he finally noticed a meduim-sized sign planted deep into the earth. It didn't look very stable, since it was at least seven feet off the ground; it also wans't very creative. Painted in black, bold letters on a white background, it read: Old Hills.
A stilfled yawn from beside Tanner signaled that Cooper was awake. "Finally," he thought to himself, "Now I might have someone to actually talk to." Since their mom wasn't the type of woman to have "family bonding" with her children, she rarely had conversations with them(especailly in a cramped truck).
Cooper slowly shifted himself up, so his back was straight against the seat, and stretched his arms out in front of him. Tanner's eyes lingered over in curiousity. Cooper's face was pale and the long cuts on his cheeks were beginning to scab over. Even though it looked healithier than it did a few hours before, it still was an eye catcher. But, still, their mother hadn't noticed. She hadn't noticed that her son's face was injured. She hadn't noticed that Tanner was still sending her a "hate" vibe. She hadn't noticed anything. Period.
By this time, they had entered the small town. The streets were empty, besides a few cars parked beside a general store, and a group of older men sitting in rocking chairs on the deck. Their eyes followed the car, and the twins couldn't help but think that Old Hills, WV, wasn't quite used to visitors.
"Well, I'm guessing that this place-" Cooper's words were abrutly cut short as the wheels of the truck squeaked to a hault. It sent him, and the other two passengers, pressed to the dashboard, and he could feel a sharp pain as his neck snapped back. He breathed in deeply, before lifting his eyes onto the road in front of them.
 Two teenagers were crossing, and their attention was, apparently, elsewhere. A common boy and a common girl, is what vibes Cooper sensed when the two finally caught attention of the truck that had almost swirved out of control to avoid them. The boy was tall and skinny. He had messy brown hair, a curved face, and cold, slick eyes. The girl, on the other hand, was short and fragile looking. She had soft blonde hair that rested on the bottom of her shoulders, while light blue eyes brought out her round cheeks. She had, for only a moment, a look of shock on her face, before she scurried over to the curb, looking flushed. The boy waved to the twin's mom, signaling to keep going, before walking over to join the girl.
Cooper cursed underneath his breath, laying a hand on the back of his sore neck. Their mom sighed, mumbling something about teenagers, and put the truck back into drive.
As she started a slow drive forward, Tanner's eyes were still on the boy and the girl. They were now holding hands, and the boy, who was obviously the dominant one, was leading her through the grass in another lone field. But, as they came to the skirt of the forest, they stopped to look back, and plunged right through the tangled trees. It didn't look too normal, but, who knows, maybe it was around here; or maybe they just had a house deep within the thicket. There were many possibilities, but Tanner still couldn't help but think. Curiousity aroused inside of him, like it always did whenever he thought too much, and taking a wild guess, he pronounced the scene suspicious, and planned to return back soon.
---------------
The house was worth the drive. Tall pine trees brought out the spacious front yard, making it look lucious and full, while a tall, white-washed fence marked its way, dissapearing into the back. Lively, thick vines scaled their way up along the wooden paneling of the house, reaching to the roof, where points met, forming a triangle. The whole body of the home was supported by a long wrap-around porch, standing on sturdy, strong poles. Everything was made of wood, it seemed, expect for the brick chimney placed awkwardly on top, like a cherry thrown atop an ice-cream at the last second. The white shutters attached on the windows acted as the whip cream, while the paved  sidewalk leading up to the front porch held the role as the spoon. Overall, it stood proudly having the impression of a sundae.
 "What happened to your face?"
 Cooper had just got out of the truck and had closed the door, when he looked over to his mom on the sidewalk ahead. She had a very confused look planted on her face, but she hinted no concern. Taking a moment to sigh, he hunched up his shoulders, then relaxed them into a shrug. "I just...hit my head..." Without hesitating, he strolled passed her and up on the porch.  
Her eyes jerked over to her other son, who was still in the car. He hadn't moved at all, besides the fact that he was now in the driver seat, instead of the passenger side. His hands gripped the steering wheel with anger from the scene, but he slowly exhaled and managed to keep his unbelieveably short temper toward his mother under control.
Both of the windows of the U-Haul were rolled down, so Tanner quickly stuck his head out of the one of his side. "Hey, Mom." He began, stumbling over his words a little, "Do you think me and Coop could go down to the town? To explore a little, you know?" Even though the only thought pulsing through his head was curiousity from the two teenagers dissapearing into the woods, he acted casual. He put on his best innocent face while awaiting her answer.
Cooper, still standing on the front porch, glanced up, his attention on his brother. He had already tried to open the door and it was locked tight. The windows were sealed as well. "Why does he want to go back there?" His thoughts wandered, "I don't want to go..."
Then, he felt a shock in his hand. Sharp, but not painful, it traveled up his arm and up his neck. It finally made his eyes close tight, and when he opened them a few seconds later, he was looking straight into Tanner's eyes. Both had a blank expression on their face, and Cooper knew that they had both had that feeling again; the twin bond. He hated it, his brother hated it, but whenever it happened he knew that meant they were supposed to be together; there was no denying that.
" Right after we unpack...and as long as you two do me a favor while you're down there." Their mother finally answered. She then paused momentarialy to reach into her front pocket of her pants, pulling out a slip of paper. She waved for Cooper to come down from the porch, and when he was in front of her, she shoved the slip into his hands. "There's a shop in town," she said, her voice loud enough for both of the twins to hear, her eyes exchanging looks with both boys. "It's called...Wayne's Bodyshop, something or another. It's a bit of a way from town. Maybe half an hour. Anyway, I dropped the car off there for them to check the tires. I need you both to exchange the U-Haul here for it, okay? So, after we unload, sure."
Tanner heaved a heavy sigh from his place, still behind the steering wheel. Recuantly he got out, unhitched the back, and started to help his "family" unload the boxes cramped inside. I guess this was her idea of family bonding.

 Chapter Three:
 "Did those old guys creep you out before? I really think they're on drugs or something; look at the way they're looking at us right now, Coop! Look, look."
 The twins, after doing their share of unpacking, had finally made their way back to the center of the town in the U-Haul. The old men they had saw before were still sitting on the general store's porch, creeking backward and forward on the same rocking chairs. Tanner was pointing over to them, but Cooper took one of his hands off the steering wheel to slam it down against the dashboard. "Maybe it's because you're pointing at them." He snapped at his brother, "I wouldn't be surprised if they went in that store and came back out with shotguns to shoot us with."
Tanner, a bit surprised at Cooper's unexpected anger, leaned back up against his seat. He coughed at the uncomfortable silence, before his eyes brightened up with excitment once again. "Oh yeah, Coop. Remember those teenagers we saw? Well, they went in the woods looking like they were hiding something. I wanna go see what was so interesting in there..."
Cooper looked frustrated as he was driving, an eyebrow raised in curiousity of his brother's strangely perky mood. "There's woods everywhere, Tanner. Look around us. Everywhere. What makes you think that anything of those two people?"
It took a moment for his twin to answer. "Uh, just a feeling, is all."
"Everytime you get a "feeling" we end up getting in trouble."
Tanner grinned, turning his head toward his brother, "I know, and that's exactly what I'm looking for. I need something exciting in my life for once. Just once. I don't care if it screws me up in the long run; I just want a taste of adventure, you know?"

Cooper stayed silent as he parked the truck off to the side of the road, in a patch of grass. In some way, he couldn't help but admire his brother. Or, maybe, it was just because he had that exact same feeling deep inside of him. Tugging at him to get in trouble just to tick his mom off, or to inspire him to do something totally out of the ordinary. "Well, what are we waiting for? You lead the way, Tanner. Off to find adventure."
"Let's plan on it."
---

[Cordilow]

Wow—this is an awesome story so far; it's an award-winner, I'd say.  I'm only reading and critiquing the section before chapter 1, tonight, since I need to head to bed, but it's nice, and I want to go over the rest.  You could do good things with this.  It's written well, and very interesting.

Below, I've noted some things to help you on your way.  None of it is intended for offense; it's meant to be constructive (and I did mean what I said above).  Well, I better be off.  Do well!  Thanks for letting us read over it.  Feel free to give feedback on the stuff I say so I'll know better what to say for the other parts.

Just out of curiosity, is this a specific genre, or normal fiction?  Or, should I just read the rest to find out so as not to spoil the story?

> his *pearly, black eyes
* Some people might think you're referring to the color of pearls with this.  I might suggest another adjective.

> Sam had *saw her earlier that same day struggling to pull the chair inside his room. She had **knew that he was coming all along.
*seen
**known

> The doctor nodded to his mother, a smile itching at his lips. “Hi, how are you feeling?” He asked quickly, his attention turning to the boy in the bed. The acknowledgement made Sam feel a bit reassured. “Oh, here, take this chair.” His mother said, pulling a lone wooden seat that was perched along Sam’s wall. *“She planned it.” Sam thought bitterly as the doctor took it and pulled it along side Sam’s bed. And, indeed, she had. Sam had saw her earlier that same day struggling to pull the chair inside his room. She had knew that he was coming all along.
* At this point, the paragraph should probably be split into two, seeing as two different people are 'talking' (I know he's thinking).

> name tag that *was hung lopsided on his coats** pocket***.. It clearly stated: Brock Therese.
*It's usually a good idea to use passive voice only when you have to, although I do admit it can add character that grammar-sensitive people might miss.  If you want to indicate specifically that someone hung it, without saying who, this might be a good thing—otherwise, I would suggest just saying '… name tag that hung lopsided …'
**coat's
***You probably want to avoid two periods in professional writing, and even avoid trailing off with punctuation for that matter (except for maybe an em dash, as with—).  I recommend, if you're indicating that words are left out (which happens less often than trailing off) that you use the following character (or . . . ) with spaces on both ends: …
You can always indicate trailing off with descriptive words, although it might take some getting used to.

> … and something similar to *da ja vu occured …
*déjà vu

> … occured after he *had read it.
*Just a stylistic thing here.  Personally, I prefer in this context that you do one of the following:
• omit 'had'
• say 'after reading it'
It just seems that 'had' is not necessary since it's essentially happening as we read it and we know 'when' it happened.  Anyway, I'm not going to say it's wrong how it is, though.

> It would come back to him some day, even if Sam had to give the punishment himself.
This part seems a little more ambiguous than perhaps it should.  I know (or I suppose) it's not supposed to be entirely clear.  'Give the punishment' is the part that concerns me.  What would he do to give it?  Maybe this is a personal conviction of his, rather than a sense of some impending doom (or a personal revelation / prophecy).  Maybe it's just his pride about not wanting the doctor to check him out (if so, I might suggest clarifying a little).

> couldn’t-they
In cases like this, there are a few things I would suggest doing instead of just a hyphen:
• couldn't - they (a hyphen with spaces around it)
• couldn't--they (two hyphens)
• couldn't—they (to make the em dash character on Windows, outside of Microsoft Word—since it already does it as you type, if you type a double hyphen—press and hold alt and then type 0151; then let go of alt)

> His mind took another swing at *over taking him …
*overtaking (one word)


> “These tantrums should be normal, am I correct, Mrs. Olden?” He asked, turning his head to face the woman standing off to the side a few feet away.

That the man doesn't even question the boy as to why leads me to believe the boy is right to distrust him.  I'm just saying this so you can get an idea of my perspective as I read.


> “He’s ignoring you! He’s trying to cover up his lie!” Sam’s mind wouldn’t rest. It couldn’t until Sam admitted it.

When you get to the final draft, I would suggest changing the quotes around this thoughts to something else (perhaps just italicize his thoughts), as it's not always obvious when he's thinking and when he's talking (although so far I've been able to figure it out, I think).

> Then-as fast as lightning- Sam’s
Just pointing out another spot where the dashes could be replaced.

> The frustration that was now boiling in Sam’s stomach was almost uncontrollable*.He wanted
*You'll want a space after the period.

> “Do you think of me as a liar?” Sam hissed, *can't **believeing the words which sprung …
*I would suggest changing this to 'Sam hissed, not able to believe the words which sprung from his mouth' or some such.  Or 'not believing'.
**believing

[xjustagirl]

Oh, thanks so much for the reply. It's one of my old stories, and I really didn't edit it for grammar and such. But, anyway, thanks again. I'll be sure to use what you said to help me when I do edit that part.

[Cordilow]

Just so you know, I still plan to finish critiquing this!  I've just been distracted, but don't let that deter you.  Remind me if I take too long!