Bad Day/The One

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thekooliest09

Bad Day/The One

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First I made this one, and named it Bad Day...but it sounded more like a poem...

It's times like these,
When you want to die.

If your not happy in life,
What is there to live?

You need just one person,
To make it right.

They only need,
To say one word.

For that word,
Will change your life.

Often times it's a friend,
But never a brother.

For brothers,
Make your problems.

The friend might not,
Be who you thought.

But they will,
Make it right.

As they know,
How to touch your heart.


I thought it would be fun to turn it into something that could be sung...so here


There are days like these when you wanna die.
Nothin' is right, it's all goin' wrong.
You just need someone to say the word.
It'll make your life turn right.

Everyone is mean, everyone makes you feel like ****.
You don't wanna do anything about it.
If you do, it'll just backfire.
And that's the last thing that you need right now.

You just need to find the one.
The one who'll change it all.
You might not expect it,
But Oh, they will reach your heart.

You'll find yourself in true-love.
The one will look so different to you.
But she'll be just the same.
All she did is say the word, to make it right.

Now your life is good.
And you would never want it to change.
Because your in love, with the one.
She made your life right, with nothin' wrong.


I thought that one should have a better title...so I named it The One...

Ummm...tell me which one you like more, and criticize them please!


By the way, this is the first thing I have never written...aside from english essays -.-
iralarry

Re: Bad Day/The One

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Hey:

Without wanting to sound too much like Simon Cowell, I would have to say this lyric is trite, boring, uninspired or inspiring and lacks any originality.  If you are going to write about what has been done for thousands of years and done by countless great artists, then you need to garnish the subject with some original perspective.

Heart of Gold - Neil Young
Somebody to Love - Queen

The poem is more like a rant and wishful thinking.  The song is too sappy.  When you say you need someone to say the word, what are you talking about?  Love, or offer a command to get you into action.  The incessant winning about everyone this and that...no one wants to hear people whine about their pitiful lives.  

Sorry for the brutality, but you have some living and reading to do before you can write a significant lyric.  DO NOT GIVE UP

Just use this as an incentive to IMPROVE, not cower in a corner that everyone is mean…blah blah, blah…

Larry Mayer
SI, NY